free hugs.

In 2006, Emily and I flew from New York to Seattle for me to take a class in Portland, and for Emily to get a taste of the Pacific Northwest. One gloriously sunny afternoon, much like the one we are enjoying as I re-write this old post, we were wandering around the only 10 block radius in Seattle I actually knew my way around. As we walked past the Westlake Center on the corner of Pine & 4th, we came across some people in the middle of the busiest portion of the sidewalk with big signs that said 'Free Hugs.'

Now, this was before the free hug craze had caught on, before Oprah gave it her considerable clout, so I had no idea what these people were up to. Since I’d seen various street preachers on this portion of sidewalk before I simply assumed it was a church group of some sort, attempting to take a stab at some sort of unconventional evangelism.

As we passed, my first instinct was to avoid eye contact, it really just brought back old memories from Creation Festivals when girls would wear shirts with similar sayings. It was really just a ploy to make contact with cute boys in the name of Jesus... while those of us who watched longingly from a distance had the suspicion that we weren't what these attractive young ladies had in mind when they began decorating their t-shirts with permanent markers. In addition to these memories, I was also wandering the streets of Seattle wearing my Manhattan bred 'city bubble,' (being that bubble of unspoken agreement that I won't pay attention to you if you won't pay attention to me, we will avoid contact at all costs and if by chance incidental contact occurs both of us will politely pretend it never happened). The situation was exacerbated even more due to the fact that earlier that day while Emily and I were passing thru the same section of city we were handed a flyer by a young man in a suit. The flyer told me their church was what I'd been looking for. It then included 5 principles, the first of which was that I should acknowledge I am a sinner, in response to which I made some joke to Emily about that being a great way to start a conversation and kept on walking. The teenage memory/city bubble/crazy Christians combination resulted in me sneaking my way around the first three people with 'Free Hugs' signs.

I thought I'd made it through safely when I noticed one more sign holder. The guy looked to be about 25 or 26, he was dressed normally, he was decent looking; aside from the sign he appeared completely normal. This moment of being taken aback by his normalcy resulted in a break in my stride and accidental eye contact. This was all the prompting he needed. He casually, yet genuinely asked, 'Want a hug?' Again, I wondered why he seemed so normal. Curiosity overcame me and I said 'Sure' in one of those 'why not' tones of voice. This tone of voice was due in part to my attempt to seem as socially casual as he was, and in part to the reality that I couldn't think of a valid reason why I didn't want a hug. Then, sure enough, he hugged me.

It was nothing like I expected. Granted, I had no idea what to expect, but if I had expected something this surely would not have been it. Remarkably, it was a real hug, it was a good hug too. Not an awkward ‘we don't want to look gay’ hug, not a safe 'who the hell is this person' hug, it was the kind of hug you give a close friend when you're glad to see them. It was close and tender and filled with the warmth of home.

After disengaging from his hug with me he then looked at Emily, 'You want one?' Emily responded similarly to me, I think this had a lot to do with the fact that by me hugging the guy she was kind of stuck. He hugged her just like he did me, to be honest we both thought he was better at it than most of our closest friends.

After he hugged Emily I waited for the inevitable ulterior motive to present itself. He was going to tell us the reason he did it was because of Jesus, or Buddha, or Oprah (which was ironic, because it wasn’t long before many were doing this because they saw it on Oprah). I was sure that after sharing his reasoning he would then invite us to church or something similar. Yet, even though we stood there and offered him the necessary pause to launch into a well-rehearsed monologue, nothing came. He just stood there. Finally, curiosity got the best of me and I had to ask, maybe it was one of those post-modern evangelism things where you say nothing so they ask you what you’re all about... then you work in the typical evangelism spiel, but without feeling like you invaded someone’s personal space uninvited.

'Why are you guys doing this?' I asked.
'Because hugs feel good.' Was his only response.

He stated it like it was common sense. Hugs feel good, why wouldn't we give them away for free? Giving hugs to strangers was as obvious to him as avoiding contact with strangers was to me. I felt more undeservedly validated by another human being through that hug than I have ever felt in most church sanctuaries. All I did to receive this grace was walk down the street. Those guys and girls were hugging people because it feels good to embrace, to have contact, to forget pretense and pride and to love people just for being people, for being in the same big mess that we're in. They didn't ask if we believed what they believed, it didn't matter if we were fat or skinny, young or old, republican or democrat, rich or poor. Life sucks, it's hard, it hurts... hugs feel good, so why on earth wouldn’t we hug? For these people, on that busy sidewalk in Seattle, it just added up. A world with free hugs makes more sense than a world with no hugs. Somehow for me the math breaks down in my head and I end up with timidity and fear and pride. This doesn't feel right though, I think the Kingdom has a lot more to do with 'free hugs' than it does with 'city-bubbles.'

I suppose I'm comfortable enough in my sexuality to say that when that guy hugged me, and told me he did it because hugs feel good, I experienced the sacred. The hug was authentic, it was real, it wasn't contrived or dripping with false sentimentality. These people were giving away hugs because they knew that they needed a hug as much as the people walking through the streets of Seattle did.

I tend to talk a lot about finding Jesus in places we wouldn't expect, but in reality it's often just talk. I walk by Him all the time unnoticing. We all walk by Him all the time without so much as a second glance. Maybe He is in more places than we'd notice at first glance. Maybe He still walks among us from time to time. Maybe He is here in America. Maybe He is walking the streets of our cities every day. Maybe He is standing on a street corner in Seattle with a sign that says 'Free Hugs.'

Free To Be

The other day I randomly came across a video from Free To Be You and Me, a children's record that I used to listen to on tape when I was little. So I started looking up other videos from that record on youtube and I came across this one. I remember it very well, but now watching it as an adult and with all my current religious and philosophical background...it definitely takes on new meaning, and I can see how even that shaped me to become who I am today.

So anyway, here's the story of Dudley Pippin:



The point of view the principal puts forth is something that I think really gets at the heart of reality. Living in genuine truth is so...counter intuitive. It mixes us all up. By being afraid to be a sissy, we become sissies. The very things we do to protect ourselves from being bad or being seen as weak are actually what *make* us weak in the end!

And so when Dudley apologizes for being weak, the principal says that he has nothing to apologize for and that he did that very well! How many times do I in my own life apologize for being weak? All the time. But what makes me weak is my fear of being weak, not being weak itself. And I've hid from others, tried not to show my weaknesses. And now that I'm trying to be more open and vulnerable, I get all mixed up, just like Dudley.

But that's okay. I shouldn't go back around and put myself down for being all mixed up. Why should I be any different from anybody else? We're all all-mixed-up. And that too is a weakness I should admit to having.

And then, the music. The music says something that the principal can't say in words. It's sad *and* joyous. It's...all mixed up, just like life, just like us. But when it's presented through music, it just...makes sense. We grasp it easily, how life can be both at once, and that everything is really okay no matter what.

On a very deep and profound level, everything is alright. We all all connected to life, to truth, to each other, to God. Regardless of what we think we have to struggle with, we're okay. The struggles come because of our fears. It's the fear itself that causes the struggle. And really, all we have to do is let go, and let ourselves be mixed up for a bit. Relax and enjoy the music in all of its brilliant joys and discouraging lows. It's all part of the piece, it's all part of the symphony. That the symphony exists at all is a huge blessing, and at every point, regardless of whether its a happy point or a sad point, the symphony of life is breathtakingly beautiful.


I can't believe I was exposed to this at such a young age. No wonder I am how I am today! I should remember to thank my parents for this. :)

the rhythm of the kingdom.

My hope is to now get back to the weekly music posts, since this summer's workload won't be as intense as the end of the spring term. I figured for the first post back I'd change it up a bit and go with a music video as a bonus to the song format, which I assume will be back next week, although I haven't given it any thought.

This week's song/video is "Glósóli", by that wonderful band from Iceland, Sigur Rós.



This is one of my favorite music videos of all time. It's just stunningly beautiful. I think I could simply post the video all by itself and that would still keep in line with the spirit of this blog. It has more than enough beauty to speak for itself. The cinematography of the gorgeous Icelandic landscape makes for a video that I would call 'sacred' or 'holy' even if it weren't for the way the Kingdom whispers through the story told.

For me, this video actually feels like a parable of sorts. Like somebody asked Jesus, "What is the Kingdom of God?" and Jesus then answered, "The Kingdom of God is like a drumbeat that reverberates throughout all Creation, and the children who hear it might choose to journey together wherever that rhythm takes them. The rhythm will draw the scattered and isolated together, giving purpose to those who had none, allowing my children to show their faces. Those who hear the rhythm and choose to live in that rhythm will begin to dream together of a day when they will take flight toward a future in which love is finally king, and where the wrongs that make this world upside down are healed and redeemed."

Okay, so if Jesus actually told the parable it probably would have been far more cryptic than that, and there would have been some sort of scandal involved that made everyone scratch their heads that this teacher would compare the Kingdom of God to something corrupt and depraved (for more on that, see The Kingdom of God is Like... by Thomas Keating). Still, I think the beauty of this 'parable' remains. It's impossible for me to adequately describe the beauty I feel (and it does seem to me that true beauty is something felt, not just seen or heard) when I watch this video, but I'll do my best to share some of my thoughts with you.

In the beginning, it starts with a lone boy with nothing but a drum, tapping his foot in time with the Kingdom rhythm. Eventually, the rhythm he hears seems to inspire even more than toe-tapping as he gets to his feet and simply goes. The rhythm thus far is constant, unchanging, and acts as the driving force of the video's beauty.

Our lonely drummer boy comes across children afraid to show themselves. The world is a dangerous place for children with no one to protect them, and don't we all often feel like children in a dangerous place with no one to care for us? The first girl he encounters disguises herself as a wolf, perhaps as protection from the real predators of the wilderness. Our drummer simply beats his drum in time with the rhythm that began his journey in the first place, and smiles as two children come out of hiding, and the 'wolf girl' shows her true face. Now, one lonely child has become a community of those journeying toward whatever place the cadence takes them.

They come across more children, all scattered and isolated, either alone or in small groups. Their troupe of travelers continues to grow as they march farther across this desolate yet beautiful landscape. Some of these children already hear this Kingdom cadence, tapping their feet in time, but when they see this journeying community, that is when they finally get up and walk. We see children without purpose, some resorting to pointless destruction, some resorting to equally pointless construction. Interesting how without purpose, we try to either burn things to the ground, or build our silly pile of rocks as high as we can. Yet, as the drummer and his friends pass by, these children leave behind their building and destroying alike and follow.

Our journeyers next come upon a sleeper, a dreamer perhaps, and instead of waking him from his dream, they instead all join him in sharing it. The screen fades to black, and as my friend Brian pointed out when we recently talked about the video, our story continues in sepia, so it would seem that the rest of the journey as we see it is their shared dream of where this rhythm will eventually take all of them.

This heartbeat they've been following thus far quickens in the dream. Finally, they reach the end of land, they can walk no further, and they stand as one and stare off at the horizon. It is now that our drummer beats his drum, the music begins to swell as he keeps time. Then, as one, and with a rebel yell, the children end their stillness and charge toward the horizon. They sprint up the hill as fast as their legs will take them. As they run they leave behind the unnecessary, they don't need masks where they're going, they won't even need drums when they reach the source of all music. And, as they come to the end of land, they take a mad leap off the cliffs like the infamous lemmings before them, but instead of falling to their death, these children take flight. And the initial dreamer is the most hesitant, but even our little doubter, inspired by the flight of others, makes the leap, and he too flies off after his fellow journeyers.

As our story ends, with children flying off like Pan and Wendy toward Neverland, we get a glimpse of their destination taking shape on the horizon. Their new home, the source of this song that began their journey in the first place, waits in the distance.

"What is the Kingdom of God?"

"The Kingdom of God is like a drumbeat that reverberates throughout all Creation, and the children who hear it might choose to journey together wherever that rhythm takes them. The rhythm will draw the scattered and isolated together, giving purpose to those who had none, allowing my children to show their faces. Those who hear the rhythm and choose to live in that rhythm will begin to dream together of a day when they will take flight toward a future in which love is finally king, and where the wrongs that make this world upside down are healed and redeemed."

Remember, home is on the horizon.